Tick Tock Goes The Maternity Leave Clock

This has undoubtedly been the most difficult blog that I have written. I am sitting here in my local Woolies Café typing this as it’s forcing me not to cry. I find it hard to open up to people, but I would not be true to myself and my blogging/mommy journey if I didn’t share my true experience. So here it is, I feel incredibly anxious about returning to work.

I have been feeling this way for about a month but my bubble truly burst last Monday when my family returned home to Kwa-Zulu Natal, and Damian returned to work. Reality hit...and hard.

I don’t think that anyone can prepare you for the anxiety you feel about returning to work. I feel anxious and nervous about so many things - leaving Sutton for the first time (the longest I’ve been away from him is two hours). What has changed at the workplace while I’ve been away? How have I changed since I have been away? Am I sacrificing time with Sutton? Am I still needed in the workplace? These questions are raw but truthful. Your mind tortures you. This subject is what has predominantly occupied my thoughts.

The truth is that I know it’s going to be good for me to return to work. I know it will help keep my mind stimulated and healthily exercised. I need to remember that I was once something other than just Sutton’s mom. Yes, being Sutton’s mom is one of my proudest achievements, the other, of course, is being a wife to Damian. It’s important for me to remember my own goals and being a career driven woman was (and still is) one of them. This was such an important aspect of my life before. But the other truth is that I am going to miss Sutton incredibly.

I have been fortunate in that my boss has kindly let me work from home for the fourth month of Sutton’s life. I cannot begin to imagine the anxiety I would have felt if I had to return to work fully now. So truly, if you are reading this - Thank you, Boss! I am also so grateful that I have been so present in his almost three month life.

I am also lucky in that I love my job, believe in the ‘brand’ and love the people. In today’s world, I am well aware of how rare this is. I need to keep reminding myself of this over the next few weeks as the return approaches. The truth is that I have such mixed emotions, pure anxiety and also excitement about returning. To sum it up, there are a lot of emotions swirling around inside of me.

I have never experienced anxiety before. Or if I have, it was nothing in comparison to this. So please if you have any tips or tricks, share them with me. Although writing this and reading it over, has even been helpful. I am doing this blog to both air my truth and also to relate to other momma’s. Please know that you aren’t alone out there. We are all on our own path which at times links up to another’s. Let’s support, share, help and love one another. XxX